“Fuck the victim story” by Ella Noah Bancroft
Today I have the absolute honour of sharing an article with you written by the incredible woman that is Ella Noah Bancroft. Ella is an Australian born Artist, storyteller, teacher, and activist. Her Indigenous heritage has played a key role in her story. Her ancestral links have given her a platform for expression within the arts, a different perspective on life and a capacity to teach all races, ages and sexes.
She is passionate about decolonising the world and the empowering the feminine force. Ella writes from her direct experiences with the world around her, she writes in many forms and writes to inspire, evoke thought and create debate within the brains of her audience.
When I heal my own trauma I heal the trauma of the world.
I have heard the collective view that echo through my mind, reciting I am due to suffer in this life. Silence that thought, I will stand strong and proud for all the women in my ancestry who have fallen to the mercy of such unkind ways. Of being silenced, of rape, of abuse, there are far too many traumas to choose, but here in this life I say no. I wipe that story and stand in my truth to not let anyone disempower me, especially myself.
I am the first to recognise my privileged life. I am a gay woman with Indigenous heritage and I am privileged.
I have a healthy body, healthy mind and a kind family.
I have always had constant shelter, food on my plate and clean drinking water.
With my privileges I will raise my voice, I will stand like a pillar for those who have been amputated. For those who have been assaulted, for those who have been silence. I will be loud and I will stand in my strength to attempt to inspire other women to rise along side me. For my voice is strong and powerful and my words are the spells I choose to cast in order to create the life that chooses to not recycle the past patterns.
No one will take my power. As an empowered woman I know my faults, I know my fuck ups and I know my failures. As an empowered woman I am choosing to learn from them and put in the hard work for myself, my sisters, my mother, my nieces and my future daughters.
When I give my past predator time to play inside my mind, I am taking away time for right now to kinder on myself and rebuild my ways of self care. Every time I give energy to that unserving story, I carve away from the kind of woman I want to be.
At the age of thirty I embark on my own journey of self love, saying no to what does not serve me. I will not carry the stories that hold me in a cage, that hold me in a state of rage that take me back to a place that I no longer live in.
I am not forgetting the hurt done by me, but I am forgiving. This is the only way I can see positivity and a life worth living. The ripple effect it has is real.
I choose to not steal the tears from yesterday and reveal them in a way that holds me in concrete. Stuck on the same street corner, not moving forward but legless to the world as I beg for those to help me, but I hold the key to melting away the cement and running towards my dreams.
Fuck being a victim, empowerment will change my inner system. I choose to remove myself from the story that states “Why Me” and replace it with the journey of “Fuck Yes”. Thankfulness.
I am currently in New York City, spending time with my four month old niece. She is a reminder presence and the joy of just being. With her I am forced to be present to the moment, due to the fragility of her little body and mind. She reminds me through her own actions how crucial movement is to creating a life of pleasure. She loves to be held and walked around, reminding me that sometimes stillness puts us into our mind and it can be an unkind place but moving puts us into our body, our authenticity.
Ironically I write this as I sit still on the chair, typing away at a macbook in Queens. My niece now asleep, peacefully giggling to her dreams. She reminds me of the little things, the basic needs. She laughs, the cries, she excrets, she eats and she sleeps.
I think as I play with her, when was the last time I was truly without food or shelter? I may endure life’s little tests, and climb over the boundaries that stand before me but even these are created by me in order to succeed. When was I truly in a deep state of need? I confuse my desires for my needs and sometimes allow my mind to hase stories around fear that prevents me from living deeply. She has no fear, she stares at me and trusts. She trusts I will hold her right, protect her and ultimately she is craving for me to connect to her.
How beautiful to see a baby, a true teacher lay before me. How could I ever really think the world is out to get me when we create such fucking beauty. In this dark and sometimes cruel city, all I have seen is beauty, hope and fragility. Highlighted through this little being.
The power of the next generation is real, it connects me to my truth, as a nurturer, a mother, a house maker, as a multitasker. It connects me to my strength, my resilience, my inner Tomb Raider.
For myself and for her I choose to light this fucking life up. To try to always choose wisely. To choose health, to choose compassion, to trust intuition, to choose waste-free living, and most of all to choose hard work. Nothing comes easy and this baby has been a reminder that work is so important, laziness is the sickness of this society and I do not want to role model that for a being I love so much.
I work to forgive, I work to educate myself on my body, I work to spread my voice, I work to understand my true value.
A smile of courage comes over me as I write, I am strong and inside I know this is my intuition, guiding me and smiling back at me.
I am real in my truth, I am fearless. For what is there to fear. This life is mine for the taking. I will not fear exposing myself to feel and to take the time to heal and release. God it feels good to release. Allow it to melt away for it was the pain from another day and if I start to forget I have my niece to always remind me of how to be. How to release, how to cry when it hurts and laugh when I am happy and not suppress my emotional body. She is the master of letting go.
I have played the victim in the past, used it to push others away so I can stay safe within the confinements of a cage. Not any more. I am free from thinking the world is out to get me. I am not at the centre of the world.
I am not.
For now I see, with the beauty of my niece that her and all the other babies are.
May I continue to be better for the love I have for her.
I throw away the bookmarks in my story that take me back in her-story to pull upon victim mentality.
Life isn't easy, it shouldn’t be, I will roll up my sleeves and fight for my own internal strength, for my shining light.