Tjueførste mars

Dagene nærmest smelter sammen, og her i Byron er det er fremdeles sommer, sol og veldig varmt. Jeg føler denne sommeren har bare vart og vart, som om den aldri kommer til å ta slutt. Det er så vakkert ute at det kjennes nesten uvirkelig.

Jeg føler så masse for tiden, opp og ned og så opp igjen. Gråter litt på kveldene og smiler på dagen. Smiler andre kvelder og gråter på dagen. Alt med vissheten om at det er helt greit. Jeg vet av god erfaring at jeg så vil mye heller vil føle enn å ikke føle.

Kontraster er vakre. Spennende.

Og følelser minner oss på at vi er i live, og det er nok det jeg vil mest av alt; å føle meg levende.

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 “I want to be that person who looks you in the eye and that really meets you. I hope to be the girl who keeps her feet firmly planted on the ground beneath her, and that when you think of me, you think of softness and peace. That you feel contentment; not suppressed emotions or pain that has been stored in dark corners of my being, because it never got my undivided attention.

I want to be her who remembers to meet herself in the mirror before she runs out the door in the morning, and who welcomes herself back every evening. Who knows when it is time to pause.  Who has learnt to breathe deeply.

I want to be the woman with a warm embrace and a willing heart; who speaks of truth with her actions, who feels like truth.

I hope I always find it in me to appreciate the sunlight as it flickers through the window in the early morning hours, even during times there’s a storm raging outside.  Especially then.

I hope that when I wake up alone, I will feel content; and when I don’t,  remember the ways in which I can come back to myself; because I love being in my own company; because I know who I am.

I want to be her who creates time to sit in silence. The one who always always listens.

I want to hold my friends close, to kiss their faces as often as I can, and tell them “I love you”, as I feel how my body is filled with so much love. And perhaps most of all that is what I wish for; I wish for love to flood my veins and for my entire being to be the wild, wonderful and powerful embodiment of love.”